Lost

I feel a bit lost. Okay, a lot lost. It's kind of like being stranded at sea, and not knowing which direction to swim in to find land.

I want to make an impact. It's almost a need, a painful desire to do something meaningful. I want to change myself for the better, and change the world for the better. I actually feel pretty frustrated and stressed out because of this. And that's one of the many things about myself that I want to change: I need to have a more positive mindset.

I want to get to know myself better too, as cliche as that sounds. Part of that is writing in a way that reflects who I am.

One other thing is that I always have the intention to do something good, to help improve someone's life, to make this world a better place. But I never know how. There are a lot of things I'm unhappy about and would like to change, and I just don't know where to start.

Also, I have an urge to start something. A website, an event, a program, something.

The thing is, I never feel like I've done enough or am doing enough. And this sense of...  hopeless exasperation slowly turns into idleness. Usually this urge to do something dies away and I end up falling into an endless warp of Youtube videos or TV shows.

I should acknowledge whatever good I've done already, even (or especially?) in the little, everyday things. I guess it's kind of like appreciating what you already have, instead of trying to satisfy your infinite wants. I guess I need to achieve a balance between acknowledging what I've already done, and a drive to continue to do more and better things.

I kind of feel a bit all over the place at the moment, as you can probably tell...

Love,
Kamilia